Thoughts in Abundance

Identity

I’m not exactly sure what I’m struggling with. I’m not sure if I’m asking too much honesty from a group of freshmen, the problems are real, the struggles are real. I don’t know if what I want will be accomplished. I don’t want levels of depth. I want them to address some basic things that are adding to their mental, emotional load. I don’t know how many times we’ve done this. I write, you record, I delete. Do you think they’d tell me, in an assignment what’s really going on, how they really feel, what their fears are, what they are struggling with? Do you? Are they too young to know who they really are?

Firm

I don’t like being run over. I’m in an environment where respect is a neutral thing. It’s expected, practiced and a norm. I’m entering classrooms with 14-18 year olds have no idea what respect is. I talk to older people who think my height and passive demeanor is a reason to consider me less than. I hate that. But how do I get that respect? How do I turn from passive and light to firm. I hate having to yell at kids or making them feel like total crap but it seems that these two work, not very well, but it gets them to shut up and sit down. What makes a person intimidating or worth listening to? Whatever it is, I want that. 

As a side note, who raises these children. They come into the classroom dumping trash, breaking property, saying, “Fuck With Me!” to me? Like use your damn brains. There are places you can say things like that, places to run around like a fool and places for your trash! Why don’t they know that? I love my community, the school I went to and these kids are making it harder and harder to improve the reputation of Waianae High School. 

Maybe it’s just me because I noticed even my husband doesn’t respect my decisions or listen to me and for those who know me, I don’t ask for much, I’m not demanding or extra bitchy, I’m not insecure. I’m just honest and some times sassy. I wish that my opinion would be respected and the few things I ask for, are honored. Is that too much?

Looks like I’m working on myself before I work on anyone else. 

I guess we all live by different rules.

Goal Digger?

I have only a few goals this year. The very few readers on here, thanks for the security. These are things I will be able to do or will do this year:

1. Be consistent. No matter what I’m doing or investing my time in I will be consistent! If it’s reading the Bible daily, or working out, or meal prepping or finishing my homework every week by Sunday night. What ever it is, I want to be consistent.

2. Cook 1 dinner a week. I’m talking a real meal, nothing microwaved and something good for us. 

3. Buy an eye brow pencil, yes spend that $20, and learn how to use it properly!

4. Learn how to curl my hair in under 25 minutes! I will also do my best to make my hair professional for work. 

5. Learn how to sew and finish my project with Randy’s old pants, it’ll be great!

6. Go outside more. I live in a beautiful place, why not embrace it?

7. Find something I love and do it. Find something that lights the fire in me and feed that fire. 

That’s all. Now a few of these are vague and it’s for good reason. There are tons of things I love, like Jesus, and personal health and wellness. I want to find an club or activity I love and pursue it heavily. I want to be so much healthier, financially, spiritually and physically. Why not?

idkhumor:

when someone mentions something you love

Trying to hold myself back when I hear “Percy Jackson” or “Katniss”

(via thefuuuucomics)

Much to do. Much to post.

Fill in my imaginary followers later.

It seems my uncanny ability to find perfect captions for non existent pictures has put me in an awkward position. So I will have to start drawing these moments out for us.

Sometimes I miss you too much.

Don’t make me feel like a fool for it.